Today’s Word from Karl Olsen…
“In love, it’s only those who trust each other, who can make it until the end.” Auliq Ice
“…in sickness and health, as long as we both shall live.” Spoken by millions of lovers…
In my life as a musician, I’ve been part of many weddings. (Way more memorial services and funerals than weddings—you can draw your own conclusions about that!) But lots of weddings. One wedding of my own, several for family members and friends, and a bunch for acquaintances and people who just needed a musician.
As part of these ceremonies, many words were spoken, both to and by the couple. A lot of those words were just barely heard by the two getting married, and many of them will be forgotten; in the case of young couples, it’s likely that they won’t get the full impact of what they’re hearing or saying. In fairness to them, really, how could they?
We’ve had a few weddings at Trinity involving couples who were in their 70s, 80s, or even 90s. And one of Pastor Jim’s best lines in those circumstances goes something like ‘this is very different from most weddings I perform. That 20-something couple standing in front of me promising to love each other through the best and worst of what’s to come really have no idea what they’re promising! But you two have a clue!’
After the rings are on, the toasts are given, and the wedding feast is completed, it doesn’t take long for all the many and varied aspects of life to give some context to those vows. In a song I wrote for Deb at our 17th anniversary, I said “Through the kids, the jobs and daily grind, it can wear you down; might lose your mind.” And at 20 years, it was “We were sure there were gonna be some changes comin’, but we had no idea.”
And the hits… the changes, just keep on comin’! That’s the deal. The wedding song I write for our 33rd will likely feel a little less panicked, but no less aware of the reality of that incredible lived experience. I am so lucky.
“And these things I promise you…” So begin the vows from a Lutheran wedding ceremony. Another part says they promise before God that “I will respect, trust, help, and care for you.” And in a Presbyterian ceremony, there’s the lovely promise to be with each other “in all faith and tenderness.” In a Unitarian Universalist proceeding the promise is “to honor and tenderly care [for one another] through all the changes in your lives.” And a gift from an Apache ceremony says “Now there will be no more loneliness, for each of you will be companion to the other.”
Promises. Vows. One of the blessings of being in this community for over 30 years is getting to observe the steady faithfulness of so many couples, living out the promises they made so long ago. Some have now gone, but it is always happening—a continuous line of grace, witnessing partners whose lovers barely recognize them now, or who are now confined to a bed or chair rather than the hikes and bike rides of the previous 70 years. And still, they walk together as they are able, talk, listen, stroke a hand, and would gladly trade places if they could.
Ashley Duval of the Grit and Grace Project says, “’vow,’ by definition in verb form, is to ‘solemnly promise to do a specified thing.’ When we stand in front of each other, we say the noun part and make the solemn promise. But in marriage when they are put into play, they turn into a verb, and we walk that promise out.”
It is no small thing that, by God’s grace, we are allowed to walk this journey of companionship with one another. That’s the truth. That’s the deal.
Mark Pearson introduced me to this song by Hugh Prestwood some years ago. I hope it speaks to you as it spoke to me, and still does to this day. That’s the Deal.
Click here to listen to my version.
Karl
That’s the Deal
Written by: Hugh Prestwood, BMI
Lyrics © Universal Music Publishing Group
Arr. Karl Olsen
Used by permission, CCS #11033
