Sunday School teacher… “God answers prayer with three possible answers: yes, no, or not now.” I told the teacher I was getting a lot of “not now” to my prayer requests. To which she said, “Maybe, given what you are praying for, you might actually be getting more ‘no’ for an answer.” Wow, way to crush an acned, insecure, scrawny, low-on-the-social-totem-pole, 13-year-old. I didn’t like that teacher anyway.
Somewhere back in my growing up (I know, I still have some significant growth needs) it became difficult to ask God for specific things. I know Jesus encourages us to “Knock and it shall be opened to you, ask and you shall receive,” but somewhere, I got stuck. I delighted in the opportunity to pray for others. And I did so, trusting in God’s joy in being present to whomever I was praying for… yet, for a long time, I was reticent to pray personal “asks.” Maybe that old Sunday School teacher was more embedded in my religious psyche than I realized? Didn’t want to hear another “no?”
Neighboring parish pastor, 20 miles away, out on the Alberta prairies… “Ask God to bless your decision, and God is bound (in the sense of committed) to bless your choice.” “Whaaa…” was the extent of my theological attempt at an answer (I went to seminary in Berkeley in the early 70’s, okay?). He was a kind man, but not a man I would have chosen to seek out. But circumstances had us sitting next to one another, and in response to his inquiry as to my life and ministry, I shared I was high-centered over a decision. I had received a call to another church. Up the coast of British Columbia, in an isolated mill town.
I explained how I felt stuck. Some days the score was 51-49 to take the call. Other days it was 51-49 to turn it back. The decision was gray, not black and white, and I could not hear God’s voice for all the chattering in my head about “Don’t screw this up!” This senior pastor’s demeanor was kind and genuinely encouraging. I had so miscast him. He repeated, “Ask God to bless your decision, and God is bound by God’s Word to bless that decision.” My ongoing confusion was silently hanging from me like a way-too-large suit. “Make a decision and ask God to bless it. If years later, in hindsight, you realize you probably made the wrong decision, God will still have blessed you and the decision you made. God is bound by God’s promise, and wants to bless your life. You will be fine, regardless. God will have blessed you.”
That may have proved to be the singularly most liberating theological moment I had ever had. The issue was not about being right, always making the correct decision in life; the issue was believing that God can bless the decision I made. Wowzer. Like the practice of drawing straws… when priests would draw straws to see who would brave God’s presence by entering the Holy of Holies to make sacrifice, God did not manipulate the straws so the short straw would mysteriously fall to exactly to right person. Rather, it was the conviction that God would willingly bless and empower whoever drew the short straw.
I have simultaneously admired and resented those for whom life seemingly is always black and white. I do not know how true it really is, but my life feels as if it has been 80% in the gray, and it has been a blessing. If the way is cloudy and the choices not always clear, my joy has been in turning it over to God, asking God’s blessing, and then seeing what God can do with this.
There is much written, and more spoken, about the uncertainty of these days. People are afraid, and a future once seemingly clear and rock solid, is now cloudy and mired in doubt. So, what are you going to do? Stuck? This pandemic and these days of “social distancing” will pass, and the world will be different; hopefully better. Make your life decisions as people of faith, believing God’s blessing is even more powerful than our always making the right decision. Be at peace, you are God’s beloved. We will gather soon.
Pastor Tom
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